July 8, 2020
Just thinking out loud again here….sooooo when you are thinking in your head, talking to yourself..do you refer to yourself as 'you’ or ‘I’? Might sound kind of weird but i shall explain.. Sometimes (jk all the time) I feel like an anxious wreck, and I find myself wishing so often that I wish I could just turn my brain off. It can feel like there’s someone talking at me allllllll day! It’s my own voice obvi, but it’s a relentless version of myself talking non stop shit about what i should be doing.. or how i could have done something differently, to a million and one what ifs?!?! But the thing i’ve noticed the most is that the voice in my head is always reffering to myself as “you.”
“you should’ve been better today”
“you should be spending more time with your kid”
'“you should workout more”
“you should be more fun”
“you should really chill the fuck out and learn to not be so anxious all the time”
Blah, blah, blah its really fucking annoying. I realized that voice is someone just bitching at me all day. And, if these were my own honest true thoughts wouldn’t I then be referring to myself as “I”? The way that we talk to ourselves is really important. We can think 1000 times faster than we can speak, and I think a lot of us are spending our days trapped inside our heads… consumed with thoughts, but thats not the way it has to be. If we are in a sense stuck inside our heads then wouldn’t we want to start making that space between our ears a more comfortable place to live? After all it is a life sentences up in this bitch. How do I make it my dream room instead of jail cell?
So anyways.. I wish I was someone who had control of her thoughts and anxieties, but i’m not there yet. I do watch the way I treat and talk to myself a lot though. And its noticable that when my mind starts racing and all those “you’s” or “you should’s” starts coming at me if I flip that and start thinking from an “I” perspective my mind slows down.. the thoughts get a little kinder.. the voice in my head sounds more like me and who I want to be. Rather than that nagging chic trying to ruin my vibe all day.. ugh
I don’t know if all of this makes me sound like a weirdo I just think making the smallest changes in something like this lead to the bigger change some of us need to rewire the way we think, for the better… I dunno you tell me what you think.